One of the joys of social media is that I get to stay in touch with 99% of my couples. (Believe it or not, once or twice a year, I have a couple who doesn't do have a single facebook or twitter account. ) As the years have gone by, I've also become great social media friends with my couples's wedding party and I wanted to share one of my favorites.
Tom & Liz! I met them with a toddler in tow and baby in a car seat, in the middle of vineyard, with nothing but smiles on their faces. We were about to celebrate a marriage of people they cared about and from that day, I've been at least a Facebook friend of theirs. Their lives are filled with work, children, housework, sleepless nights, I'm sure a few bills and yet they do it with such grace and ease. I couldn't help but ask Liz and Tom if they were willing to answer a few of questions on weddings and marriage. What they wish they had known and what they had learned. Of course they said yes, and of course Liz followed through and Tom made wonderful humorous comments and at some point we will have a part two to this blog.
In the wise words of Liz:
We're coming up on our tenth anniversary in July, so it's kind of neat to think about these things...
I would love to know what you have learned since
your wedding day?
About Marriage and kids and stuff, I presume...
*Find out what annoys your spouse and try to stop doing it (if it's reasonable, like hanging up
your coat instead of throwing it on a chair). Unless, of course, you're Tom and you do it
more just to annoy your wife. Then you have to just laugh because he will ALWAYS blow his nose as
loudly as possible just because he CAN...
Anyway, daily little stuff that you can do to make life easier matters: remembering to put your dishes in
the dishwasher or your socks in the hamper (not because you want to but because you know it will make
the other person happy) will go a long way.
*That having kids is REALLY hard a lot of the time, and it will either make or break your relationship. So
talk about it BEFORE you get married. If one of you wants kids and one doesn't, don't assume one of you
is going to change his/her mind! And if you decide you want them, develop your relationship first. Have
a strong marriage first, THEN have kids.
what you wish you had known before getting married?
*That it's OK to agree to disagree, unless it's something that affects your daily life, like how much extra
time you spend at work or the discipline of your children. Then you have to figure out a system together.
*That sometimes you have to wait until the "heat of the moment" has passed to talk about stuff that's
difficult or important. And that discussions don't have to be all ironed out at once. You can talk about it,
wait, and talk about it more later. As long as you agree to do so.
something you stressed about and now laugh at the thought of it?
We stressed about making our parents happy. It was our wedding, and this is our life that we have built,
not theirs. Letting go of feeling responsible for their happiness has been a huge burden lifted off of us.
what do you wish you had had on your wedding day?
I wish I had had a wedding planner!!! I did pretty well with delegating tasks so I didn't have to worry
about much of anything on the actual day, but the event coordinator that we worked with at our reception
location decided not to be there the night of our wedding. so when dinner was late, there was no one to
talk to the manager but me...
I also wish we had had a designated person to deal with the idiots who got drunk and either tried to make
fools of themselves or tried to drive home. Dummies.
and the best thing about each other?
Best thing about my husband is his how we treat each other. He goes out of his way to let me know how
much he loves me every day with affection, gifts, words, etc. I know that I can come home tired and
hungry and bitchy and he will help with dinner and the kids and then get me a glass of wine. And I am his
support when he needs it. Our relationship has give and take, which creates balance for our little family.
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| Liz & Tom |
I spend a lot of my time working on the "WEDDING" and yet always do my best to remind my couples they need to think of the big picture too. I really hope this helps you think about what comes after the wedding. <3 Thanks for reading. ~ESTOccasions
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